The Unadorned

My literary blog to keep track of my creative mood swings with poems n short stories, book reviews n humorous prose, travelogues n photography, reflections n translations, both in English n Hindi.

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I'm a peace-loving married Indian male on the right side of '50 with college-going children, and presently employed under government. Educationally I've a master's degree in History, and another in Computer Application. Besides, I've a post graduate diploma in Management. My published works are:- (1)"In Harness", ISBN 81-8157-183-5, a poetry collections and (2) "The Remix of Orchid", ISBN 978-81-7525-729-0, a short story collections with a foreword by Mr. Ruskin Bond, (3) "Virasat", ISBN 978-81-7525-982-9, again a short story collection but in Hindi, (4) "Ek Saal Baad," ISBN 978-81-906496-8-1, my second Story Collection in Hindi.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Humour Thru Hodgepodge

Humour Thru Hodgepodge

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Sometimes good talkers invent their jokes on the fly as a qawal would compose his qawali while the show is on. Humour that comes naturally have been liked by all. I just tried writing something while I'm conscious that I'm writing it to produce humorous effect. I was confident, should I fail producing the effect, my caption of the post would take care of the deficiency. So I gave it a name " Humour Through Hodgepodge". Hope I'll still like it when I revisit my post.

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Multitasking:

It is scientifically established that we cannot make both our hands write different content simultaneously. It’s impossible even to write 1, 2, 3, 4 with our left hand while our right hand writes a, b, c, d. Reason: We’ve only one brain and as to hands, even though they are two, they pathetically depend on the brain to act.

But I know at least one case where it’s possible.

So, let’s try the exercise. Hold two pencils, one in each hand. Also have two sheets of white paper before you, right? Now write ‘G’ on both the papers. Your both hands wrote ‘G’ simultaneously, is that okay? Well, now move your right hand to the right of the letter ‘G’ on the right paper and the left hand to the left of ‘G’ on the left paper.  Then write ‘O’ with both hands. Now you have ‘OG’ on the left paper whereas it is ‘GO’ on the right. Then move, once again, your right hand to the right of ‘O’ and the left hand to the left of ‘O’. Then write ‘D’ simultaneously. And that’s all you’re to do. You have now GOD on your right and DOG on your left. Aha! You’re blessed by God and helped by Dog! So, isn’t it an act of writing two different things with two hands?

Mathematics Made Easy:

When one says two, he means just two, and not three. Similarly, speaking in ordinal sense, ‘second’ should mean two and third three. But there is at least one occasion when the expression second becomes third as soon as it falls into your hands. So, 2 = 3, let me say it in their cardinal form.

But how?

Well, look at your watch. See how its second hand is not exactly the second hand; it’s rather the third hand. So, am I not correct if I say 2 = 3? It’s possible many will not agree with me and I can see the reason. They must be wearing those complicated watches with indicators to function as a stop watch, a tide table, a direction-indicating compass, an astronomical aid to indicate lunar and stellar positions, an alarm clock, and blah, blah.

More the Merrier:

How many people really listen to the music that directly blasts into their ears through the white thin wires they insert into them? I wonder none. At best those plugged-in and ever-connected people get some sound around them, for their sound minds need that so very desperately…and that’s all. We use sound to drive away sound; pain to drive away pain; seal our houses to switch on the lights; spray scent to drive away smell; laugh without reason in the public to shed some tears; crowd our roads with bigger SUVs to beat the crowd; and so on. It is clearly a phenomenon of redundancy, or say compulsive superfluity. For an example of my own, the nearest I can go is my watch: does the second hand actually deliver me any information? Any help? No—it’s an emphatic ‘no’. Like sound wafting from the gadget directly into the ears, the second hand just moves on and on, producing in its wake information which I don’t need. A lazy person like me needs hours and days to complete jobs, not seconds! If a numerologist guarantees me to buy a ticket at a time exact to seconds so that I’d get a jackpot, I’m not sure if I’d be able to hurry myself to be accurate to seconds in lure of the jackpot! So, a lazy person like me has nothing to do with a second hand twirling on and on in his watch!

So what did I do with my profound realization?

Like meetings these days end in deciding the date of the next meeting, I decided to do another act of redundancy to put an end to my living in redundancy. Say, I bought another watch which does not have a second hand: it has only two, like the two hands its conscious owner possesses! And just to share a small bit of relevant (redundant?) information in this regard, I bought the watch from the land of watches. Yes, you’re right there: I bought the watch from the airport of Geneva a year ago. So, the lesson is that redundancy can be remedied, nay beaten by redundancy, like I had to buy a watch, my fourth one, with no second hand!

Q & A:

1.    When does one get rewarded for stealing?
A: If one steals other’s heart.

2.    If everybody praises a book without actually reading it, then what sort of book it is?
A: It’s a classic.

3.      Can somebody fly into the cloud just by paying a train fare?
A: Yes, if he chooses to jump out of a running train.

4.      How is a book dependent on notes?
A:  To book one needs notes. Try booking a flat in your town without notes!

5.  Why are teachers these days complaining of lack of job satisfaction?
A: Because while teaching their students they’re not allowed to teach them a lesson!

6.      Why is god kind to all of us?
A: Because human beings are mankind.

7.      When does a dream meet the reality?
A: A boy meets a girl in his dream and is about to kiss her. The dream ends but the boy goes to the crowded bus stop in the morning to plant a kiss on the girl’s lips. The girl too had a dream the previous night wherein she had warned the boy of the consequence of his advance. Now on being smooched in the public, she just slaps him. This is how their dreams met in reality: Jab we met! Why this kolaveri di?

8.      How is a consultant different from a magician?
A: Both make their living by making others fool. Whereas a magician shows impossible things just to be forgotten after the show, a consultant weaves impossible dreams to be remembered even after they’re shattered.

9.      How does a Hyderabadi-fish cure asthma when it is swallowed?
A: It uses the entire extra oxygen inside the patient and then he has nothing left to gasp.

10.  What’s the pan-Indian mantra to live in happiness?
A: No problem; Koi parva nehin (कोई परवाह नहीँ); parva ledu; parva illei; and so on. 

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By
A N Nanda
Coimbatore
15-12-2012
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