The Unadorned

My literary blog to keep track of my creative mood swings with poems n short stories, book reviews n humorous prose, travelogues n photography, reflections n translations, both in English n Hindi.

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I'm a peace-loving married Indian male on the right side of '50 with college-going children, and presently employed under government. Educationally I've a master's degree in History, and another in Computer Application. Besides, I've a post graduate diploma in Management. My published works are:- (1)"In Harness", ISBN 81-8157-183-5, a poetry collections and (2) "The Remix of Orchid", ISBN 978-81-7525-729-0, a short story collections with a foreword by Mr. Ruskin Bond, (3) "Virasat", ISBN 978-81-7525-982-9, again a short story collection but in Hindi, (4) "Ek Saal Baad," ISBN 978-81-906496-8-1, my second Story Collection in Hindi.

Saturday, July 06, 2013

Humour = He o More = हम और वो

I've tried to become original and it's a difficult job to create humour that's original. Anyway let's do the difficult job of creating humour and then enjoying it. Today's world needs that stroke.

Prof. Aurengzeb, M. Tech.

A group of engineering students on a study tour visited the Red Fort and marvelled at its architecture—its underlying engineering concepts and their seamless execution.

An electrical engineer appreciated how its creator Shah Jahan, the great Mughal emperor of the seventeenth century, ensured that the beauty of the place was not diminished, even while laying electrical cables.

“Look, how he chose not to clutter the place by running overhead electrical wires. And, instead, how he chose to take the electrical cables under the ground.”

The accompanying teacher was prompt to correct him. “Boy, don’t you know that there was no electricity then. All this is the work of the Archeology Department.”

Then it was the turn of the civil engineer. “Look, what a concept of mingling stone with grass the great emperor Shah Jahan applied here, say by creating so nice lawns and the cobbled pathways around the buildings!”

Again the teacher chipped in. “Oh boy. Don’t you know that these lawns were not made by Shah Jahan. They are the recent ones, the creation of the Archeological Survey of India?”

Now a student of architecture summarised, “So, Shah Jahan not only got these enduring structures constructed but also established the Archeological Survey of India to take care of his immortal creations. Wow! He was far-sighted and he was great.”

Again, the teacher quibbled. "Look, the Archeological Survey of India was not established by Shah Jahan. It was the British rulers of India that brought this organisation into existence."

Finally a really worked-up student quipped. "Sir, you seem to know quite a lot about Shah Jahan. So, can you tell us the name of his enemy number one, well, besides his own son Aurengzeb?"

"Um, nope," the teacher conceded. To end his own curiosity he begged, "Now, tell me who was the greater enemy to Shah Jahan than his own son Aurengzeb who jailed him in his old age?"

The student replied, "Sir, it’s only you who refuses to give any credit to the poor old emperor."

Editor’s Choice

The editor of a reputed magazine finishes reading a short story submitted for publication. He finds too many “underwears” in that submission, giving it a bit stilted effect. Nevertheless, it is a very charming story and incidentally the writer is a young lady. So he decides to contact the authoress.

‘Madam, I just finished reading your short story and I must say I liked it so much. I’ll be happy to publish it. But…’ the editor hesitates before he finishes.

‘I’m happy, too, to listen to that. Then go ahead and publish. Tell me, do you find any problem in doing that?’ asks the authoress.

‘Well, there’s nothing very alarming about it. I just thought if you would allow me to drop your “underwears”…I mean only with your kind permission, madam,’ the editor was very polite. He is conscious of the fact that he is dealing with a writer who is a sensitive woman. At least her story conveys that.

The authoress is anxious to see her story published in the magazine. And she responds:

‘Aha! That’s the only issue then. Don’t worry sir. I’m coming to you. And I’ll myself drop all my “underwears” in front of you,’ the authoress happily assures the editor.
The Change Agent

India wins her freedom. Yet there is no opening for Indians in her bureaucracy, for it is decided that the bureaucracy left behind by the British rulers will continue. However, there are quite a few political vacancies to be filled by election.

And an elected functionary occupies his chair. He is quickly made familiar with his powers and responsibilities…and with his perks. He becomes the boss of the organisation. And that’s how he gets a jeep, a chauffeur-driven jeep.

Once while going somewhere the boss dozes off inside the running jeep. And then the jeep reaches the foothills. The road thereafter is a stiff climb and the driver has to change the gear. In the process, the boss is woken up all of a sudden.

“What did you do, driver?” asks the boss.

“Sir, I just changed the gear,” replies the driver.

“What did you change?” asks the boss in a raised tone and the driver politely repeats his answer.

Now the boss flares up. It is an insult to him that a mere driver has changed something when he is asleep. So he decides to warn him.

“Don’t think that I’m a fool. And don’t think that I can’t see through your motives. You’ve no right to change anything without my express permission, right? Today you’re changing a gear when I’m asleep. And tomorrow you’ll change everything without my permission. I don’t like any change, you’d better understand. Even I don’t allow my wife to change.”

Post-mortem Material

Once the vehicle of the Postmaster General is made to stop at a toll gate. The smart driver challenges the collection man, “How dare you stop the vehicle of the Postmaster General?”

The collection fellow is really browbeaten. Promptly he allows the vehicle to pass and goes on to explain to his supervisor that he allowed the vehicle to go because that was carrying the post-mortem materials.

And the supervisor is unhappy because to that extent the day’s collection is reduced. So he chides the collection man. And the fellow pleads that it’s none of his fault.

साहब, मै भला और क्या करता? वे लोग तो चीरने वाले थे और थोड़े न पैसे देते ?”

Q & A

Q: Is it possible for the dead to return again?

A: Quite possible. If my memory serves me right, sometime ago the Dead Letter Office was made the Return Letter Office.

Q: What does a scholar of natural history conclude by observing the activities of monkeys at Shimla?

A: Blackmailing and love of ice-cream are not the acquired qualities of modern men; they have been inherited from their forefathers.

Q: If one says he never speaks the truth [including this statement] and the other says that he always tells a lie [including this statement], then can we expect them to ever speak the truth?

A: Oh yes, both of them speak the truth and do it all the while, because truth must always be presented as contradictorily as that.

Q: Following lord Shiva humans smoke ganja with relish but not the poison. Why so?

A: Because humans are, by nature, choosy.
Q: Why did the critically ill patient refuse to take any medicines?

A: Because the patient precariously holding on to his dear little life was scared to discover that all the drugs in the prescription had indicated the expiry dates.

Q: If a magician applies his magic on a barking dog and the dog starts talking instead of barking then what will it say on entering the spell?

A: Magi, magi, magi instead of Bhow, Wow, Vow.

A N Nanda

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Anonymous Karan Chopra said...

A complex mixture but you did very well. An amazing read. :)

Karan Chopra, Editor – I2Mag/

3:19 AM  
Blogger Anant Nanda said...

Thanx Karan. I'm happy that a high-calibre techy like you liked my ramblings.

9:17 AM  
Anonymous Rajeshwari (Hindi section) HP circle Shimla said...

Respected Sir!You are really a genius in true sense.Only and only you can create such a masterpiece !Especially, I enjoyed CPMG and Driver conversation (The Change Agent) and Post Mortem Material)You seem to be playing with words!Sir, you can even call somebody after death ( dead Letter Office versus Return Letter Office). We are very proud to have you as our Chief ! May God protect you from all evil eyes!

3:03 AM  
Blogger Anant Nanda said...

"May god protect you fron all evil eyes"--thank you Rajeshwari, your blessings maen a lot to me. I take it as a reward from my reader.

1:04 AM  

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